RE: Lena Dunham & the unpaid openers for her lucrative book tour

To say that "no one" believes more than you in compensating artists for their work is a huge affront to the thousands of people who employ artists at a fair pay rate without being shamed into doing so. Having your hand forced by being placed in the internet pillory is not the same thing as actually demonstrating sound judgement and compassion for other people. Doing the right the thing simply because you got called out on your massively egregious bullshit in public is to take a page right out of the NFL/Roger Goodell playbook of human decency.

Next time you want to get up on your Twitter soapbox to decry hypocrisy and injustice, please just shut the fuck up. Your ham-fisted efforts to masquerade as a person with genuine concern for anyone but herself are not only disgraceful, but as transparent as the stack of cash you had set aside yesterday for paying your opening acts.

As I have tried to explain before about “pro bono” work, this does not extend to your family reunion t-shirts. Julia Roberts is not going to play me in the movie version of this charitable donation of services because they do not make movies about the heroic pro bono design of family reunion t-shirts.

As I have tried to explain before about “pro bono” work, this does not extend to your family reunion t-shirts. Julia Roberts is not going to play me in the movie version of this charitable donation of services because they do not make movies about the heroic pro bono design of family reunion t-shirts.

Okay, so it especially pains me when I need to shame an establishment that I actually like and have been to before. To be fair, I think this falls in the category of “ignorant douche” as opposed to “willfully exploitative”, but that could be my bias talking. Either way, “you may get a beer on us” makes me want to redefine for the poster what “getting a beer on” actually means. 

Okay, so it especially pains me when I need to shame an establishment that I actually like and have been to before. To be fair, I think this falls in the category of “ignorant douche” as opposed to “willfully exploitative”, but that could be my bias talking. Either way, “you may get a beer on us” makes me want to redefine for the poster what “getting a beer on” actually means. 

Let me get this straight, you think your self-proclaimed status as an artist entitles you to free labor from younger artists? This whole “being an artist” thing is not like pledging a fraternity you tone-deaf fuckface.
I, too, am an artist. Does that mean I would have the stones to put an ad out looking for a free assistant just because they also seek to earn a living doing what I do? Abso-fucking-lutely not. However, I am not a sociopath (I think?) so that may explain the discrepancy in our approaches to life.  

Let me get this straight, you think your self-proclaimed status as an artist entitles you to free labor from younger artists? This whole “being an artist” thing is not like pledging a fraternity you tone-deaf fuckface.

I, too, am an artist. Does that mean I would have the stones to put an ad out looking for a free assistant just because they also seek to earn a living doing what I do? Abso-fucking-lutely not. However, I am not a sociopath (I think?) so that may explain the discrepancy in our approaches to life.  

This offer of good eats and pirate glory does sound tempting. Unfortunately, my desire for a life free from scurvy/demented Caligula-meets-Bluebeard type goings-on in “the Americas great loop waterway” trumps my desire for potential reality television show fame. Best of luck and bon voyage you rascals you!

This offer of good eats and pirate glory does sound tempting. Unfortunately, my desire for a life free from scurvy/demented Caligula-meets-Bluebeard type goings-on in “the Americas great loop waterway” trumps my desire for potential reality television show fame. Best of luck and bon voyage you rascals you!

Karmaloop, a company whose annual revenue numbers in the hundreds of millions, can’t afford to pay a part-time employee who is expected to be college educated and “self-sufficient”?

Karmaloop, a company whose annual revenue numbers in the hundreds of millions, can’t afford to pay a part-time employee who is expected to be college educated and “self-sufficient”?

lisahanawalt:

P.S. The brilliant Dan Cassaro had a much more eloquent response to this stupid email. 

Even the big timers have to deal with this unpaid bullshit.

lisahanawalt:

P.S. The brilliant Dan Cassaro had a much more eloquent response to this stupid email

Even the big timers have to deal with this unpaid bullshit.

"Could lead to paid work in the future" is like the "Free Bird" of unpaid job postings. They feel obligated to throw it in there, even though they know nobody wants to hear it. Here are some suggestions for alternative carrots to dangle that have equally as much chance of happening in reality:
"Could lead to an all expense paid trip to the moon"
"Could lead to invincibility from all terminal diseases"
"Could lead to a passionate romance with the celebrity of your choosing"
"Could lead to the Treasure of the Knights Templar"
"Could lead to the ability to fly"

"Could lead to paid work in the future" is like the "Free Bird" of unpaid job postings. They feel obligated to throw it in there, even though they know nobody wants to hear it. Here are some suggestions for alternative carrots to dangle that have equally as much chance of happening in reality:

"Could lead to an all expense paid trip to the moon"

"Could lead to invincibility from all terminal diseases"

"Could lead to a passionate romance with the celebrity of your choosing"

"Could lead to the Treasure of the Knights Templar"

"Could lead to the ability to fly"

A two day unpaid videographer job for a “million dollar wedding” that will be an “over-the-top, luxurious experience”? Yep, that sounds fair. However, these people must realize that paparazzo only travel to film celebrity weddings for free, right? 

A two day unpaid videographer job for a “million dollar wedding” that will be an “over-the-top, luxurious experience”? Yep, that sounds fair. However, these people must realize that paparazzo only travel to film celebrity weddings for free, right? 

There is a scene in the 1988 cinematic masterpiece Twins, wherein the titular twin characters (played by Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger respectively) have a discussion on the economic realities of the modern world:

Vincent Benedict: Money talks and bullshit walks!
Julius Benedict: How can bullshit walk?

It would appear that the makers of this short film are not familiar with the first part of this colloquial phrase. Either that, or they have zero sense of irony and really do believe bullshit is capable of sustaining itself on its own merits. 

There is a scene in the 1988 cinematic masterpiece Twins, wherein the titular twin characters (played by Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger respectively) have a discussion on the economic realities of the modern world:

Vincent Benedict: Money talks and bullshit walks!

Julius Benedict: How can bullshit walk?

It would appear that the makers of this short film are not familiar with the first part of this colloquial phrase. Either that, or they have zero sense of irony and really do believe bullshit is capable of sustaining itself on its own merits. 

This is the internet equivalent of cruising through a Home Depot parking lot with the hopes of finding the right amount of desperate laborers willing to finish your deck installation for a cool pitcher of lemonade and the satisfaction of having completed a hard day’s work.

This is the internet equivalent of cruising through a Home Depot parking lot with the hopes of finding the right amount of desperate laborers willing to finish your deck installation for a cool pitcher of lemonade and the satisfaction of having completed a hard day’s work.

600-800 flower crowns? Right away, Miss! Oh, what’s that? These handcrafted head adornments are only for a “select number of attendees”? Very well. Perhaps just a couple hundred then? Every nick of a thorn in me humble hands will be worth the avalanche of brand recognition that will come rolling in from your “influential” chums!
Seasons are a-changing after all, and I’ll need to get my ducks in a row to rake in all the lucrative flower crown business that booms in the winter months. Thank you, oh benevolent pool party host, for bestowing upon me this bountiful harvest of tastemakers.

600-800 flower crowns? Right away, Miss! Oh, what’s that? These handcrafted head adornments are only for a “select number of attendees”? Very well. Perhaps just a couple hundred then? Every nick of a thorn in me humble hands will be worth the avalanche of brand recognition that will come rolling in from your “influential” chums!

Seasons are a-changing after all, and I’ll need to get my ducks in a row to rake in all the lucrative flower crown business that booms in the winter months. Thank you, oh benevolent pool party host, for bestowing upon me this bountiful harvest of tastemakers.

You need food, clothing, and shelter. You want mock ups for your speculative advertising spots. Semantics can be tricky like that, but as a freelance copywriter (?) it is in your best interest to pad your vocabulary with words that convey actual meaning.

You need food, clothing, and shelter. You want mock ups for your speculative advertising spots. Semantics can be tricky like that, but as a freelance copywriter (?) it is in your best interest to pad your vocabulary with words that convey actual meaning.

Bullshit is an art form, too.

Putin, can’t you just annex the drawings away from the artist?

Putin, can’t you just annex the drawings away from the artist?

All art and no pay makes it impossible to earn a living as a creative professional.

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