Crafty Bums Cashing In On Stolen Artwork

Which one of these things is not like the other? TRICK QUESTION! They are both exactly the same. 

It has been a busy week for crafty bums stealing artwork and passing it off as their own in the public eye. First up, we have George Zimmerman who has decided to follow in the footsteps of another infamously unpopular George and rehabilitate his public image by making shitty paintings. Problem is, unlike the masterful former President/forever war criminal, Zimmerman didn’t so much make an original painting as he did copy a stock photo and throw some incendiary language on top of it to really drive home the fact that this painting was made by an acquitted murderer. The painting has reached a $110,100.00 bid on eBay as of this posting.

However, estimated shipping is listed as December 26th, which would leave you empty handed on Christmas morning, just when you thought you had found the perfect gift for the murderabilia collector who has everything. 

Your move, Casey Anthony. 

Next up is everyone’s favorite nothing, Shia LaBeouf, who blatantly ripped off Daniel Clowes’ comic Justin M. Damiano to create a short film called HowardCantour.com that used the same dialogue, plot, and imagery as its source of “inspiration”. 

You know how you can prevent people from making such assumptions? Make it explicitly clear in the fucking credits who wrote the damn thing. When that person is not you, the omission of credit does not count as less of a lie because it was omitted. Basic kindergarten logic that is somehow too complex for a doe-eyed “amateur filmmaker” to grasp. Also, fuck you for dragging the ethereal Jim Gaffigan into this shameful incident, you slimy little shit. 

Sounds like a sweet deal to me!

Sounds like a sweet deal to me!

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho
It’s off to court I go
Got to make my clients pay
Well, I keep on working all day long
Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho

It’s off to court I go

Got to make my clients pay

Well, I keep on working all day long

Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho

All Art No Pay: Portrait of a Delinquent Client

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Towards the end of last summer I was commissioned to create a series of concept sketches and photoshopped mock ups of posters for a signage company. The job was relatively simple and the person I was dealing with was satisfied with the job when it was completed on time. I sent an invoice on September 5 with explicit language that states payment is due within 30 days of acceptance of the invoice.
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Two weeks went by and I had not received payment. No big deal. These things can take some time to process. Then, on September 20, the company contacted me about doing another freelance job and asked me if I ever sent an invoice for the last job. I responded by telling them I was available for this “Quick Morning Assignment” (although they did not follow up with that assignment) and I sent the invoice for the second time. The company employee I had been corresponding with this whole time, Patrick, promised me that I would receive payment by the following Monday (September 23).
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Two more weeks went by with no payment. Because I knew this person to be a little absent minded, I decided to call during the first week of October to make sure he had processed the invoice the second time I sent it. I spoke with him on the phone, at which point he told me the company had been “very busy with ComicCon” and that he had just sent the invoice to be processed the previous week. Patrick assured me the payment would arrive within the next week. Once again, I was very courteous and trusted his word that the check would arrive soon.
Several more weeks passed with no payment. I began calling the office a few times a week in November. Most of the time no one answered the phone. Finally, on November 19, I managed to speak with someone on the phone who sounded like Patrick, but told me they knew nothing about the invoice. I explained the situation to this person who claimed he would speak to the appropriate parties and that someone would call me back shortly. No such call was ever made.
After a few more futile attempts at calling, I finally decided to send a strongly worded email to Patrick, the person who commissioned this work in the first place and had promised me twice that the “check was in the mail”. I was done being nice.
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This was his response:
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Not content with the continued blowing of smoke up my ass, I wanted to speak with someone who might be able to actually help me.

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Now comes the petulant bastard approach to a perfectly reasonable request:

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My response:
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Patrick did not respond or forward me any contact information for the person responsible for processing my payment. Honestly, I really hope they do pay me this week so I don’t have to go through the trouble of actually taking time off work to drag their sorry asses into court. It should never have to come to this, but unfortunately some people are assholes. As a freelance professional, this is the first time I have had the misfortune of dealing with a delinquent client. Who knows how many other artists this company has screwed over. These things happen far too often in the freelance community. If attempting to bring down the hammer of the law on delinquent clients will keep them from continuing their shady business practices in the future, then it will be worth the trouble.

You know what doesn’t need any fancy motion graphics to succeed? Marijuana. I am fairly certain that with or without your “world-renowned cannabis college” people will continue to grow, sell, buy and smoke marijuana on a very regular basis.

If anything, your little establishment may even be doing significant damage to the “cannabis movement”. When people hear phrases like “cannabis college” it makes them want to never pick up a joint again, if for no other reason than to avoid any association with massive tools like you.

Guys, please refrain from contacting this poster about YOUR shitty commercial interests, okay? They don’t have time for someone else’s solicitations that are not “incredible” (and probably have nothing to do with pickles at all).
Man, that must be really annoying having someone think their lame ass product is worth the time of a stranger just because THEY are super into it. So yeah, principals only!

Guys, please refrain from contacting this poster about YOUR shitty commercial interests, okay? They don’t have time for someone else’s solicitations that are not “incredible” (and probably have nothing to do with pickles at all).

Man, that must be really annoying having someone think their lame ass product is worth the time of a stranger just because THEY are super into it. So yeah, principals only!

I’m pretty sure these “free tattoo” arrangements only find purchase in the fertile gutter soil that is a prison entrepreneurial system. But even then, you could at least offer a pack of smokes, or shiv whittled from a melted toothbrush handle, for the artist’s time. 

I’m pretty sure these “free tattoo” arrangements only find purchase in the fertile gutter soil that is a prison entrepreneurial system. But even then, you could at least offer a pack of smokes, or shiv whittled from a melted toothbrush handle, for the artist’s time. 

What exactly is this “thesis project” you are working on? A critical analysis of the capacity for drained dignity as a renewable fuel source for steampunk fantasy vehicles?

Approach one: Going on Craigslist and posting a thinly veiled attempt at getting laid as a “gig”.
Approach two: Going on OK Cupid and searching for ladies in your area who list “photography” as one of their interests.
Which one of these sounds infinitely less creepy (and more likely to achieve the desired results) than the other?

Approach one: Going on Craigslist and posting a thinly veiled attempt at getting laid as a “gig”.

Approach two: Going on OK Cupid and searching for ladies in your area who list “photography” as one of their interests.

Which one of these sounds infinitely less creepy (and more likely to achieve the desired results) than the other?

Why even shell out the money for “fabric and expenses”? This is YOUR special day. If someone isn’t willing to go the distance to donate their time AND the cost of materials, they are clearly not “serious” enough to have this honor bestowed upon them. 

Do your parents know you’re using the computer for these shenanigans?

Do your parents know you’re using the computer for these shenanigans?

Anonymous asked: I really love your blog - it was posted on craigslist a few days ago and I've been looking at it ever since! But I think it would be way better with much more wit, and much less profanities. Much classier.

“What I’m saying might be profane, but it’s also profound.”  Richard Pryor

Even if this advice show was hosted by the Mowry Sisters (which only sounds like the best goddamn idea ever), the “fun and fashionable” qualities possessed by the “diva” hosts cannot be leveraged in lieu of cash for services rendered. 

All art and no pay makes it impossible to earn a living as a creative professional.

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